Today I figured that, I can write fairly well, so why not try here? I probably won't be one who is faithful to this venture, but it's worth trying, and I like to express myself in word better than in voice.
I've been unemployed for almost a year now. July 13, 2010 was a day I'll never forget. I never in my wildest imagination thought I'd be fired from a Christian institution, but guess what... I was. I've grown since then. I've become more since then. I've become better since then, in ways. I see the 20/20 version of my past from this year I've had to think, renew, and grow.
What I hope to express to people who happen upon this blog, is that, no matter what others may think of you, and no matter what you may find yourself thinking of yourself, you're more than that. You're so much more. I find myself dwelling in my own mind every day - thinking of what I could be, what I want to be and do, what life holds on a daily basis... A lot of time I'm alone daily. I have a great partner in life who has, praise the Lord, been able to keep us afloat, and in a way that we haven't struggled financially. I attribute that to the Lord. To my relationship with Him, and what He's promised me in this life. It's a blessing to be able to say that, and to live that. There are so many who can't say that. My life is supposed to be one of blessing others, leading them to the faith that I have, and hopefully being more to people than they've had before. It's tough to break out of my shell in that. I'm an antisocial introvert by nature, and a lot of days, I don't care about others. I'm within myself and within my own space/soul/life. I need to stretch myself and be more. There's a song that really speaks to me, called "My Own Little World" by Matthew West. It's really about me. Population Me. To me, breaking out of the norm and making a change scares the hell out of me. But, that's my job. I pray for the Lord to lead me to the ones I need to reach...
In any case, I have hopes and dreams that have been put on hold, dashed, misunderstood, and shut out. I've also had a year to realize that those things weren't right for me at the time. Time is what the Lord uses to bring us to a new place. To lead us in the path we were meant for, and to strengthen us so that we can be successful in the path He has for us. I want to be more than what I've been for the last year. I want to be SO much more. I know I will be, but not in my time. Time is a funny thing... it can heal, but it can also break down, crush, dismay, and cause us to be uncertain about who we are and what we're meant for.
So, in all of that, be encouraged. I have many people in my life, and some who aren't a part of my life daily who I know are on my side, pray for me, encourage me through thought and prayer, and who I can always count on to give me what I need when I need it. I pray for so many people - for them to have what they need on a daily basis... to not be so down that they can't see any light. I've learned a lot from the friends I have who have the same level of depression that I have - who have been suicidal, hospitalized, medicated, broken. They give me strength, knowing they know what I know on a day to day basis. I know I've made a difference in lives, and I thank God for that.
Give God a chance. He won't let you down. Be blessed. Look around you. If you were to toss the cross you bear into a pile with others' crosses, you'd realize that yours isn't so bad, and you'd pick it up again. Your cross is yours - no one else can bear what you do. No one else was made for what you've been made for, so be encouraged and step forward in faith, knowing that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Strength for today is all that's given... so don't spend time worrying about tomorrow. It'll have its own strength for you when you reach it. Don't be afraid. Take courage.
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