Okay, I'm writing today because I can, and I want to. Bottom line, I like to express myself in word. I'm better at writing than speaking. I've had classes in public speaking, and honestly, it was lost on me. I have friends who feel the same way, but have gone so far as to take classes to further their public speaking savvy. I'm not that gal... I gain a lot from my husband Ben who has become a very skilled professional in the ways of both public speaking and teaching. He could be a wonderful teacher if he wanted to. But, as this is my blog, I'm speaking for myself, and thus choose this medium instead of being out in front of a group who is staring at me, wondering what on earth I just said.
Today I had a situation that made me feel less than comfortable. I don't know if you've ever experienced something that made you feel extremely uneasy, but I did today, and I wanted to share. It wasn't out of the ordinary for me to travel into areas of the county/area that are less than perfect. One might describe them as low brow, back woods, ungodly, or perhaps freakishly out of the ordinary. It wasn't something I expected, because often I travel into these areas that are known as "the sticks." Once I passed the specific address, I turned around, and rolled into the driveway. Some of the people I know would have been severely put out by even venturing into this place, but like I said, it wasn't out of the ordinary for where I travel for work.
The feeling of despair came over me. The visual took me aback. House in disrepair; children in the driveway who seemed unkept, dirty, and poor; trash everywhere. There were stacks of old tires, broken and unused items piling up near the trees/house/garage... and a feeling of overwhelming evil. I was shocked frankly, because I've never experienced this feeling on my routes thus far. It was something new, and I didn't like it at all.
As I stepped out of the car, I noticed an adult who seemed uncomfortable with the sight of a 'stranger.' I tend to walk boldly, and have known that by doing this, you ward off the idea that you're weak and easily overcome. The transaction was not out of the ordinary - familiar enough for me to feel somewhat comfortable standing and waiting for the man to finish writing out a check for me. I walked away feeling as though I shouldn't have my back to this person, as the children suddenly disappeared and I was there alone with this man. I came away with a completely overwhelming feeling of evil. I'm not used to that, and it frightened me.
I know that I represent a Light in these situations, and cling ever so tightly to that reality in times such as this. I hope that my light was evident, but it will always be unknown if it truly was. One thing is for certain - I don't plan on going there ever again. I'm not strong enough to handle whatever was there. I fear for the well being of the children, and the man I interacted with. I have no idea what it was that brought these feelings about, but I know it wasn't good.
I trust in God to preserve my going out and my coming in... it says I can trust Him with that in the Bible. Thank GOD. I'm not one to linger on bad things like this, but I haven't been able to shake the feeling I got while I was there, but I don't intend to keep it with me as I go forward tomorrow during my full day of work, or from here on. I just needed to express it and to warn my readers. Not everywhere you go is safe and comfortable. Not everyone you come into contact with is good and trustworthy. Just be aware of your circumstances and know that the Lord guides you through even the most ugly of situations...
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Obedience...
Does God ever talk to you in a way that you KNOW it's Him? Is there ever a time when you just know that you've heard from the Lord? I do... and it's really amazing. Once, years ago, I was heading to church with my mother. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular that I recall. Two numbers dropped into my mind. 7 and 6. I thought 'that's odd...' and then said a small prayer "Jesus, show me what that means, and let it be clear." Within a week I received a check in the mail from some savings my uncle had left to me. The total of the check was $767.76. I knew when I saw that number, that He was speaking to me in my giving, and I handed that check over to the church with a note about what had transpired. It was magic to me. My spiritual gift is giving, and it does me so much good to be able to give to a cause or to someone in need. It makes me feel alive.
This week I had the Lord speak to me again. I was driving to a volunteer event that I take part in. I wasn't thinking about much of anything - once again. And once again, someone dropped into the forefront of my mind. Immediately after that person came to mind, a sum of money came to mind as well. That money hadn't been earmarked for anything specific, but I had been holding onto it to perhaps purchase a used exercise bike, or some new shoes (SHOOOOEEESSSS!!!) I knew right away, however, that the Lord wanted to use me and that money to bless that someone who came to mind. The lessons I learn in these instances are the lessons of obedience. I know that obedience is my biggest outward profession of faith. If I obey, I'm blessed. That's just how God works it. So, feeling slightly excited at the idea of being a blessing, I wrote a note to the person, not being sure of how they'd receive what I had to say... but believing the Lord was in control of the situation... I obeyed. I handed the note in an envelope to the person yesterday. I said 'don't open it now.' When prompted further, I said, 'you can't tell anyone about it... until my funeral.' and we laughed. Today I saw that person at a local eatery. Never had I thought that I'd see them there, but I happened to be there having lunch with my mother. They said "I owe you a hug." and we embraced. And further said "Thank you, Christy. I really appreciate it." I didn't have words, and my mother was waiting for me, so we left it at that. I know I'll have a chance to discuss what the Lord did once I see them again, but the moment didn't require words. They know my faith, and now they know my heart, and my commitment to being obedient to the Lord. I know that it will manifest what it needs to for that person, and it gives me a deep sense of joy to be a part of that.
When I started the job I have now, the first day on the job I knew I was there to bless this person. I knew he was there and I was there at the same time for God's purposes, and I had to wait until this week to have it manifest itself into a tangible blessing. I shared what had taken place with my mother once I sat down after the brief exchange. She was blessed as well. To know her children have grown to be listeners and obeyers of the Lord brings her great joy. On a side note, this person has just recently found out that he will be a father for the fourth time, that his wife lost her job to layoffs, and just this week his only vehicle was repossessed out of the parking lot at work, and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. He's often very angry, and has trouble coping with difficulties, so those things were present in the depths of my mind when the Lord called on me to give.
I was thinking about a verse in the bible that indicates that, if we have even the smallest bit of faith, we can move mountains. I was always troubled by that verse, because I took it literally. I thought, 'sure, if my faith was that of Moses or David in the bible, I probably COULD move a mountain... but it isn't, and I haven't.' But, the epiphany I had this week was that the mountains I can move aren't made of stone, but of flesh. I can move a heart toward God by being obedient in what He calls me to do. I moved a 'stoney heart' toward knowing Him more deeply, and seeing Him work through me. It's really a brilliant thing to be a part of. Hopefully I will get to see more as I go forward in faith.
It isn't always easy to be obedient. It takes a lot of strength to step out of what you know to be true in the world, and put your money down on the 'possible.' I encourage you to try it... to believe in God's promises, and open your heart to what He would have of you. You won't find a greater joy...
This week I had the Lord speak to me again. I was driving to a volunteer event that I take part in. I wasn't thinking about much of anything - once again. And once again, someone dropped into the forefront of my mind. Immediately after that person came to mind, a sum of money came to mind as well. That money hadn't been earmarked for anything specific, but I had been holding onto it to perhaps purchase a used exercise bike, or some new shoes (SHOOOOEEESSSS!!!) I knew right away, however, that the Lord wanted to use me and that money to bless that someone who came to mind. The lessons I learn in these instances are the lessons of obedience. I know that obedience is my biggest outward profession of faith. If I obey, I'm blessed. That's just how God works it. So, feeling slightly excited at the idea of being a blessing, I wrote a note to the person, not being sure of how they'd receive what I had to say... but believing the Lord was in control of the situation... I obeyed. I handed the note in an envelope to the person yesterday. I said 'don't open it now.' When prompted further, I said, 'you can't tell anyone about it... until my funeral.' and we laughed. Today I saw that person at a local eatery. Never had I thought that I'd see them there, but I happened to be there having lunch with my mother. They said "I owe you a hug." and we embraced. And further said "Thank you, Christy. I really appreciate it." I didn't have words, and my mother was waiting for me, so we left it at that. I know I'll have a chance to discuss what the Lord did once I see them again, but the moment didn't require words. They know my faith, and now they know my heart, and my commitment to being obedient to the Lord. I know that it will manifest what it needs to for that person, and it gives me a deep sense of joy to be a part of that.
When I started the job I have now, the first day on the job I knew I was there to bless this person. I knew he was there and I was there at the same time for God's purposes, and I had to wait until this week to have it manifest itself into a tangible blessing. I shared what had taken place with my mother once I sat down after the brief exchange. She was blessed as well. To know her children have grown to be listeners and obeyers of the Lord brings her great joy. On a side note, this person has just recently found out that he will be a father for the fourth time, that his wife lost her job to layoffs, and just this week his only vehicle was repossessed out of the parking lot at work, and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. He's often very angry, and has trouble coping with difficulties, so those things were present in the depths of my mind when the Lord called on me to give.
I was thinking about a verse in the bible that indicates that, if we have even the smallest bit of faith, we can move mountains. I was always troubled by that verse, because I took it literally. I thought, 'sure, if my faith was that of Moses or David in the bible, I probably COULD move a mountain... but it isn't, and I haven't.' But, the epiphany I had this week was that the mountains I can move aren't made of stone, but of flesh. I can move a heart toward God by being obedient in what He calls me to do. I moved a 'stoney heart' toward knowing Him more deeply, and seeing Him work through me. It's really a brilliant thing to be a part of. Hopefully I will get to see more as I go forward in faith.
It isn't always easy to be obedient. It takes a lot of strength to step out of what you know to be true in the world, and put your money down on the 'possible.' I encourage you to try it... to believe in God's promises, and open your heart to what He would have of you. You won't find a greater joy...
Thursday, August 2, 2012
I Did It For Me...
It's funny sometimes, when I think about the things I do... and how different they are from "normal people." I wonder if my friends and family see me as odd or strange. Honestly, as time has passed, I've realized how little other people's opinions matter to me. I have my days, don't get me wrong... especially if someone I really care for has questioned me in some way. I want my relationships to be sturdy and honest. I don't shy away from controversy, nor do I pick fights, at least, for the most part. My true passions come out sometimes, and for those who know me, you know I will never back down from what means so much to me.
Today as I was working in the village, I passed a kitten who had been hit by a car. She (I didn't notice the gender, so for the sake of argument, I'll call it a 'she') was dead, and lying at the side of a village street that I frequent. My heart grew sad, and I prayed for the Lord to bless its little soul... and drove by. I do that all day long, as I travel around the county. Praying for the animals who have been struck and killed by a passing car. You can probably imagine how often I stop my mind and pray. Today was no different, and every time I do that, my heart aches a little for each life lost. My friends know that my passion is animals, and that I pour my heart and soul into their care and safety, as well as fight outwardly against things such as factory farming and animal abuse in general. It's not only my heart, but my income, my voice, and my spirit that goes into these things full force.
I passed the kitten several times today, even noting it to a coworker who needed to be driven back to the store. I pondered quite a bit, noticing that there are many stray cats - an epidemic in Albion - and the fact that no one was claiming the kitten, or caring to scoop her up and bury her. I decided that I would. Once I finished work, I took a small box with me, and headed down the street. I got out, feeling a bit anxious about the people who may notice what I was doing. I knelt down and picked her lifeless body up, stowed her in the box, and brought her home. No tears were shed... I think I mainly cry if I actually see an animal killed or injured. Like last month when I struck a deer. I was sure she was dead, but she wasn't. I sobbed uncontrollably, and suddenly she got up and bounded away. I don't know if she lived long or not, but it helped me heal seeing her run away.
When I got home, I got a shovel and took the box with the kitten down behind our home. There's a vacant area below a deck where nothing grows, and where we don't have any real activity. I was bombarded with the neighbor's dogs barking at me as I dug the hole... and thought maybe it would be good for the young neighbor girl to know what I was up to... but I left it alone. It was me and the kitten and God at that point. Once she was buried I came up and took a few swigs of something to calm me down, as I notice after I do something like this, I find my hands are trembling terribly. I sat down and took a few minutes to be still... didn't ask God for anything, or tell Him anything. He knows where my heart is, because He made it. He made me this way, and He knows what He wants to do with it in my life. I struggle to understand the immense pain it causes me to know of the overwhelming number of animals who lose their lives every day, but He doesn't. He knows, and He will show me when the time is right. Until then...
At my old job I used to pick up the worms on the sidewalks after a rain... I know people thought I was strange, but I didn't care. I was just being me. I've stopped along side many a road to help a turtle out of the middle of the street, so it wouldn't die. I'll always do that, because that's what my heart says is right.
So, as you read this and think of me as odd or strange, try to see it in another light. Try to see me as someone who values all life. Someone who will fight for the creatures who cannot speak for themselves. Try to see it in a way that broadens your perception of people and of God's creatures. And thanks for not teasing me to my face... I appreciate it :)
Today as I was working in the village, I passed a kitten who had been hit by a car. She (I didn't notice the gender, so for the sake of argument, I'll call it a 'she') was dead, and lying at the side of a village street that I frequent. My heart grew sad, and I prayed for the Lord to bless its little soul... and drove by. I do that all day long, as I travel around the county. Praying for the animals who have been struck and killed by a passing car. You can probably imagine how often I stop my mind and pray. Today was no different, and every time I do that, my heart aches a little for each life lost. My friends know that my passion is animals, and that I pour my heart and soul into their care and safety, as well as fight outwardly against things such as factory farming and animal abuse in general. It's not only my heart, but my income, my voice, and my spirit that goes into these things full force.
I passed the kitten several times today, even noting it to a coworker who needed to be driven back to the store. I pondered quite a bit, noticing that there are many stray cats - an epidemic in Albion - and the fact that no one was claiming the kitten, or caring to scoop her up and bury her. I decided that I would. Once I finished work, I took a small box with me, and headed down the street. I got out, feeling a bit anxious about the people who may notice what I was doing. I knelt down and picked her lifeless body up, stowed her in the box, and brought her home. No tears were shed... I think I mainly cry if I actually see an animal killed or injured. Like last month when I struck a deer. I was sure she was dead, but she wasn't. I sobbed uncontrollably, and suddenly she got up and bounded away. I don't know if she lived long or not, but it helped me heal seeing her run away.
When I got home, I got a shovel and took the box with the kitten down behind our home. There's a vacant area below a deck where nothing grows, and where we don't have any real activity. I was bombarded with the neighbor's dogs barking at me as I dug the hole... and thought maybe it would be good for the young neighbor girl to know what I was up to... but I left it alone. It was me and the kitten and God at that point. Once she was buried I came up and took a few swigs of something to calm me down, as I notice after I do something like this, I find my hands are trembling terribly. I sat down and took a few minutes to be still... didn't ask God for anything, or tell Him anything. He knows where my heart is, because He made it. He made me this way, and He knows what He wants to do with it in my life. I struggle to understand the immense pain it causes me to know of the overwhelming number of animals who lose their lives every day, but He doesn't. He knows, and He will show me when the time is right. Until then...
At my old job I used to pick up the worms on the sidewalks after a rain... I know people thought I was strange, but I didn't care. I was just being me. I've stopped along side many a road to help a turtle out of the middle of the street, so it wouldn't die. I'll always do that, because that's what my heart says is right.
So, as you read this and think of me as odd or strange, try to see it in another light. Try to see me as someone who values all life. Someone who will fight for the creatures who cannot speak for themselves. Try to see it in a way that broadens your perception of people and of God's creatures. And thanks for not teasing me to my face... I appreciate it :)
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