I've been in the presence and in the employ of a pedophile in my life. I've never really expressed myself on the subject, and I don't know why. It was my first real job after college, and it was in my home town. There was a hushed understanding between employees of the happenings of this man, but as I was exposed to it, that was just what it was - rumors. My experience was minimal, and the reality of being new in a new world, a new career, was more important somehow than the rumors that surrounded the position.
As I was an employee of this man, I realized his quick temper, his explosive anger, and his dealings with small boys during my time at the organization. I harken back on one particular day when I saw a young boy, maybe 10 or less, who came to the establishment with said pedophile. He was withdrawn, unassuming, and scared looking to me. He followed the pedophile down to the basement, and I knew something was very wrong. Did I do anything? No... but as I sit here, I realize that what I didn't do or say has a weight that has stayed with me for years and years.
I have had a very sheltered life. I've only dealt with very minor issues when realizing the gravity of the world around me. That time of my life, I put aside in my mind the reality of what was going on, and what was - as a reality that has come to light - a very black and evil segment of society that has so often gone by the wayside.
My position in this instance is one of ignorance, for the most part... aside from rumor and for the one incident of the young boy who came to the office looking so afraid. I have never forgiven myself for not coming forward with what I thought was an issue... but it turns out, they already knew, and were investigating this pedophile for the things he had been doing for many years. I had contact - very real and personal contact - with some of the victims of this pedophile. I didn't know until after the police raided the employment establishment who those men were. Some still to this day say they were never inappropriately touched or approached. I have to believe that this is true. Others were logged in the investigation as being victims, and my heart aches for them.
As I sit here and watch another abuse case on television, my mind goes back to that moment when I looked at that little boy in our office, and his face was full of anxiety and fear. That will forever stay with me... even though I reached out to the pedophile after his apprehension... He was suicidal, and in need of Jesus. I had that to offer him, and I did. He didn't commit suicide, and I believe it was partially because of my letter. He went through trial, and was convicted, sentenced, and jailed for several years. During that time I believe he accepted Jesus as savior, and was washed from the sins of his past. I know some people won't align with that reality, but in my heart of hearts, I know that the Lord is in control, and His judgement is final.
Just a note to say that, if you see something, say something. Don't let children like the little boy who I have no name and no knowledge of aside from that brief moment when my eyes met his... don't let that stop you from standing up and saying something on behalf of those who are too small, too young, or have no voice at all to say something against what is happening to them. It means all the difference in the world to that one individual...
