friendships that fall short...

Again, the introverted anxiety stricken person writing this has to come forth first with the reality that this isn't always the case for everyone. I am a very specific personality type and I've realized that not everyone cares for the way I am or the way I speak, act, etc. I've had to make some difficult decisions in the past, and not so distant past, that has brought me to the point of distancing myself from others. Others, specifically certain individuals that I've either grown away from, or who have grown away from me. It isn't always me, but a combination of different lifestyles, different life decisions, and different life goals that have brought these things to fruition. It always takes two to tango, so they say... and sometimes friendships get left behind for many good (and bad) reasons.

I've read things that say sometimes it's necessary to distance one's self from certain people, depending on what has become of the relationship, or what has become of either person's life. I've had a difficult year. Probably one of the worst years in my life so far... in fact, yes... it has been. Growth has been mandatory. I don't deny the fact that I've gone down hill in some aspects of my life, and have had to climb my way back to where I think I need to be. Based on my faith, which is strong and overrides most of my life's decisions, I've felt a sense of failure in a lot of things. Some of the people who love me, and who I love in return have been gracious enough with me to continue to support me, continue to want to be around me, and visit with me on a fairly regular basis. For that I'm grateful. There are others who have distanced themselves, for either their own personal or professional reasons. I get that... I'm street smart, which allows me the ability to sense when things aren't always as people verbalize. One thing about verbal versus actions is that you can always tell eventually what the real story is.

Letting go of friendships isn't easy. In fact it's been very difficult for me in the past. I had a 'bestie' who now is less than that... to the point of being quite quiet in my life. I realize we're very different people, and have very different paths, goals, jobs, views on the world, and most everything else. I wonder how our friendship ever blossomed to the point that it once was, to be honest. I love her very much, and I know she still loves me, but at this point in life, it's just too difficult to blend our lives right now. I have to take most of the blame for that, as my life has been the one to change drastically in the last year, and hers has not. What I know is that walking away for a while can be a good thing. It isn't always negative. Stepping back and taking a look at things from a distanced perspective is good to do once in a while. I know deep down that there are things about me that have changed, but I also realize that I can be a good friend to people no matter what stage of life I'm in. Ask my friend Lisa Tucker. She'll tell you who I was and who I am now, because we've been friends for 35 years. I'll never lose Lisa as a friend, because we've bonded to the point of being family. Her family is mine, and mine is hers. Those types of friendships are precious and you can't put into words the value they have.

What am I saying in all of this? I'm just saying that it's okay that we change, it's okay that we're not the same person we were in high school, and it's okay that sometimes we move on from people who may hold us back, or who we may hold back as a result of the changes in our lives and personalities. Sometimes there are circumstances that bring us back together. I had that happen recently. I hadn't spoken with a friend in nearly 10 years, and she reached out to me as her mother was dying. I knew it was the right time to rally that friendship, and it has been a blessing since. You can sometimes see the reasons for these things, step outside of yourself, and be who you need to be for the other person. It can be a blessing that the Lord puts in your path... and you may be able to help someone who you never thought you'd be able to help again. It's a good feeling... to be more than you were before to someone. To grow in a place where you were once stagnant. That's what life is about - growth. Being more. Striving for better. Being successful in many things outside of the workplace. I think that's what the Lord has taught me this year... to be more than who I was in the workplace. To believe in myself outside of my ability to do a job, and do it well. I am more than what I was before. I'm better. I'm more rounded, more balanced, and more successful in parts of my life that I'd left stagnant before.

Be more. Do what you can for others. Stand in the gap for someone who needs your help. It's worth it. It's a gift we as human beings can give one another.