kids...

Okay I'm on a roll... children are a gift from the Lord... that's what they say, right? I'm not in love with that saying. I've never been a lover of children, and have never felt the need to be a parent. I don't know where that stems from, because I had an excellent childhood, wonderful parents, and a beautiful upbringing that I have only fond memories of. Why would someone like that not dig kids? I don't. I don't have a love of spending time with children, I don't care to, and I never have. It seems odd to some people, especially my older Christian friends/acquaintances.

I love hearing the neighbors' kids frolicking in the pool they got put in last year. I love hearing the laughter of children, and seeing them smile, laugh, play... it's a joy. But, there are points when my uncertainty of children takes over, and I shut down in the midst of what would be a fun time for all. I know for a fact that my husband is the favorite in every child-friendly situation. He adapts well to the environment, and ends up being the 'fun one'. It's good, because it keeps me from being approached by the children in the scenario. I know at least one of my friends may take offense to this, but I can't help it. I seize up in these situations. I clam up, I can't think of what to say, what to do, or what to be for/to children. I must seem like the biggest bitch sometimes, because I end up being quiet and keeping to myself, or even walking away. It's not an easy personality trait to maintain, OR overcome.

I, and my husband as a result of our decision to not have children, have had a lot of questions thrown at us in the midst of these situations. I can't say it's easy to get parents to understand my (our) perspective on the children issue, and so when asked, I end up giving a life story of how I never played with dolls, never felt the need to be a parent, never wanted to be around children, etc. To this day I know I've been looked upon as 'unusual', although my mother (bless her soul) has always maintained that it's fine to be who I am, and it's good that I knew before I tried to have a family that it wasn't for me. Why can't other people just be the way my mother is? I know she'd rather have more than one grandchild... (and she does, with her step family)... but why must I be the 'unusual' person who chose to remain vigilant with what I knew in my heart was best for me? I get pastors looking at me like I have three heads... families who love children so much and have since they were small feel like I was a negative aspect on their families' lives... thank goodness for close friends who don't judge! Not saying any of the people who may take offense to this blog judge me (us), but still... it's a stretch for them to understand who we are and what we want out of life. Frankly, sometimes it's questionable for me as to what we want out of life, but there lies the struggle.

I've been an animal advocate/activist for years. I want to be a 'George Eastman' in some regards. Being able to give to the people and places that my heart feels are in need of my aid, and places I feel I could make an impact. I don't know if my husband feels the same sense of philanthropy that I feel, but that's my goal in life. To aid animals and their needs when it seems as though so many don't see their need, or for that matter, care. I wanted in the deepest depths of my soul to be an elephant caregiver in Tennessee for a long time now. I've applied repeatedly, volunteered, and been a part of the Elephant Sanctuary (elephants.com) for a while now, ever since I saw the piece that CBS made on their uncommon friendship between one of the elephants and a dog they'd adopted on the grounds. It warmed my heart - thrilled me to my soul - to think that I could be part of this sanctuary and all that it holds dear. To this day my heart still holds that hope, but it hasn't been what the Lord wants for me, so I go on, hoping, watching, and loving instead.

Children are wonderful, there's no question. I know that children are who hold the future, and are what so many people disregard in terms of education, truly strong family upbringings, and future needs for our country. We as Americans have slid backward in the family unit, and have allowed the children to pay the price. I see our country in crisis when it comes to the family and the values that family holds. There are broken homes, people who shouldn't have children who bring them up poorly or not at all. What we need to give focus to is the educational system and the moral decay that our country has allowed to happen.

If you have children, be sure to nurture them as best you're able, and give them all of the values and strength that your parents gave you. If that's not enough in your opinion, then give them more. Give them all you have... they are so valuable. Me, I give what I can to my friends and family's children. I try to instill in them a sense of independence, self worth, and need to strive for whatever their hearts desire. They can do anything if they're given the opportunity and set their minds to it. They have to know that, and believe in themselves for that to come to fruition. It takes a village, for sure - people who can impact their lives, instill in them the will and the understanding of what could be. I know I can impact the lives of children outside of rearing them... and that's what I try to do.