So, as I sit here and ponder the time I've spent here, nearly 16 days, I can say I have been fully engrossed in living away from home. It's not easy. Being a transient is difficult on a number of levels. I allow Ben more of the reality than I take for myself, but I have indeed existed in this "outside world" long enough to have an opinion.
Life away from home is stressful. You aren't allowed the comforts of "home" in a real sense. Yes, you have a 'home base' but the reality is that it's a substitute for what you consider the comforts of home. A tiny apartment, little of home to comfort you... you're living outside of anything 'known'. Eating, living, breathing here is different. You're in a huge metropolis that allows ease in way of finding ways of living, but little in the way of settling into your surroundings with the ease of 'home'.
The ways of this place are different, albeit not completely. There are ways of doing things that are foreign to most. This city is enormous... and the complexities of life here can be overwhelming. Getting anywhere requires foot travel. Nothing at home requires that unless you want to. Subways, buses, taxis... they're all here waiting for your use, but there's no way to just 'go' without help.
City life is chaos in a lot of ways. There are so many people, so many ways of life. It's a foreign effort to find a way to cope with the differences of life. I can attest, it's not easy, nor is it preferred for me. Ben loves cities, but the longing for home and the life we know is always in the back (or front) of the mind. Too many people. Too many options. The price of things for just getting by is alarming, and would stagger the people I live my life knowing. I often ponder here the realities of the people I know and love, and cringe at the thought of them trying to deal with being displaced like Ben has been. It's just not something most people I know would choose.
As I ready to come home, there are things that both press me and hinder me from doing so. The thought of my home, my pets, my people... they are who I long to be with. The thought of leaving my partner in this life here to continue on is taxing. He misses home as well. He chose this, and has been successful in doing so, but none the less... he misses life at home. I don't know what the future holds for Ben and his career. Time will tell. He is willing and able to continue to be a success here, and he hopes that his efforts will allow him to grow in his new company and new responsibilities. Me, I am indeed a transient being. Not having nearly as many ties to life as Ben does. I work remotely, although entirely too part time for my tastes. Life has become very different in the last 4 years, and I have needed to change with it. I'm not satisfied with who I am at this point, but I know the Lord has things for my future that He has in mind. I have to trust Him and wait.
Meanwhile, here I sit, in a small flat in London. We try to visit places we haven't seen, eat things and find things we haven't had access to in our "normal" lives. Normal is such a relative word here. What is normal when you're a transient? You can only acquire normal by finding things that remind you of the place where you've come. Some choose not to do that for themselves, but I have needed it. It keeps me longing for home, and continues to supply a source of energy for me to press forward.
I will be grateful to find myself home on Monday afternoon. My family will feel the same, I'm sure. My friends will be interested to know what I've experienced, what I've seen, what I've done. This year has been full of that - going to Rome, Venice, and Paris in May, and this London excursion... I don't take for granted the fortune that I've had the pleasure of experiencing. I don't. It's a blessing to be able to travel the world and see how other people live. I've gained much ground in the realities of life and how to maneuver our way through each day. All I can do is move forward, gain wisdom, and grow. I hope to be able to share what I've gained with my circle of influence. I also hope to share whatever the Lord has brought me through, good or bad, with others for their lives and wisdom.
I miss home. I miss my people, and my animals. I miss my normalcy. I know this time is fleeting, so I will cherish the moment I'm in and move forward as the Lord wills. To God be the Glory.
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