going home

Is it wrong to want to go Home?
To be surrounded by love unending, peace, hope, joy...
To never know fear, sorrow, worthlessness again?

I long for Home. I long for peace, hope and joy...
I want to be in the midst of that.
Nothing here gives me those things... nothing.
I hate to disappoint the people who love me...
to be a burden, a point of worry, a friend who is always in need.

To understand all that is in my mind is to ruin one's own joy.
To try to understand is futile. I've never let anyone in.
I've been told to try. To trust. To overcome the demons that dictate my life.
It's hard. Sometimes impossible. Sometimes overwhelming.

Bring me Home. Bring me peace... joy... unending love.
I can't go without breaking a sacred rule, and I can't bring myself to break it.

I will try. I will fight. I will do all I can to overcome.
The first step is the most difficult...