This week has been one of successes and failures. I've had a lot of emotional ups and downs. I'll try to put it all into words, because I feel like I need to get it out.
What I do for a living right now is manual labor... and it wears on me emotionally and physically. I'm doing inventory right now, and by 4 p.m. each day, I'm spent. I can't think straight, nor do I trust myself to make accurate counts or revisions. I've joked about it to my colleagues, but it's a reality. What I've gained this week has been an increase in provision, as well as an increase in understanding of my work, and the potential to be more within it. I'm grateful to be a blessing to them, and to have the favor of the owners. To have a trust that not many have, even with one person, is valid, and important. To be able to feel valued and trusted is something I don't think I've felt in my previous jobs. I can say that it feels good, and that I'm blessed in what I'm doing.
Sometimes I don't trust myself with my emotions. I end up overwhelmed a lot, thinking and over thinking about things in my life that sometimes deserve my attention, and sometimes should just be passed off as trivial. This week, today for the most part, has been emotionally charged. Today marks 22 years since my dad passed away. He died on a friday, and it struck me harder than usual this year. I miss him, but rarely dwell on it like I do on October 5. Today I was in tears as work started, and my friend Phil at work knew I was struggling. He is the person I knew I was supposed to impact when I started this job. The Lord gave me that sense immediately when I stepped into the building to fill out the application. Since then, I've gained Phil's trust, and believe that I've impacted him in a positive way for God's glory.
This week I decided to help Phil with a dog he's been 'given'. He's had this dog for 2 weeks, and the dog came from an abusive home - one in which the owner was jailed for killing his last dog. He knew he could not have the dog, and risked a return trip to jail, so he gave the dog to Phil, who had a big enough heart to accept the dog into his home. It's been a challenge, to say the least, because the dog came to him with a significant injury that should be operated on. The dog is a sweet spirited German Shepherd, and Phil and I both agree he deserves a chance at life. So, I've placed a posting on GoFundMe.com, which has seen a few donations thus far (go see it if you can - I've posted it on my FB page). Today I received enough funding to get the dog a second opinion at another vet, and hopefully we will have a success story to share soon. Meanwhile, Phil has trusted me with not only this dog and the support I was willing to give, but with a very significant issue he's been struggling with. I was able to support him verbally, and listen to him as he shared. He's making strides in this world, and he's making strides in his faith, and I'm thrilled with that...
All that to say that I'm dealing with my emotional well being, and dealing with my passion for animals and with what the Lord has placed on my heart, and life. I have to trust Him, because it's within me to do so. Some of the pastors who I listen to don't believe that we will see animals in heaven. I tend to disagree, but solely out of my passion for them, and my need to feel as though God cares for them as much as I do. He's placed this within me, so if He doesn't see them as worthy, why would he have done that? I'm conflicted.
Writing this out has allowed me the time and peace to bring these things forward... to show them to you all... and to iron out the wrinkles of my conflicted soul. I am here to glorify God. I'm here to make a difference in the lives of people AND animals. I have done these things, and will continue to do so until my dying day. It's all I have, and I want to use all I have to be a success in this life. I'm called for more, and I want to be more. I'm called to serve, and I want to stand tall at the end of it all, and hear the Lord say "well done, my good and faithful servant!" That is my goal. What's yours?
That's you, my sister from another mother! And father. LOL
ReplyDeleteI think it's so sweet of you to take this on, but it's not surprising considering you help when you see the need...which is what makes me love and inspire from you more!
I truly believe we see ALL of our loved ones when we pass. I believe we find out everything we've ever wondered or questioned...truths and also come to terms with things we've done wrong.
My goal? To raise 6 happy, humble, considerate, compassionate, unselfish, loving, honest girls. And to be a role model/make a difference for all of the kids that I work with at school. There is nothing better than going into a classroom and having most know who I am and come up running for hugs, and hearing, "Mrs Tucker!!" and how I'm their favorite sub, or cheers when they know I'm in their room. I am soooo grateful for this to happen.
xoxo Lisa
You're a blessing to those children, and to your own... I hope all of those things for your kids too! Thank you for your love for me... I love you!
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