Difficulty...

I'm a difficult person to get along with. I know this... over the years I've understood this through loss of friendship and loss of work. I'm aggressive... opinionated... bold. I tell you what you don't want to hear. I'm not graceful with my words most of the time... it's just who I am. Sometimes it's okay... sometimes I lose friends because of it. I'm grateful for the people who still consider me a friend despite my aggression.

I recently lost a friend in this type of situation. I was aggressed against in a text that wasn't supposed to be sent to me... and I reacted. Poorly. I apologized, but in the end, it wasn't my aggression that halted the friendship. It was hers. I couldn't trust that person any more. I can't believe she's my friend when she would say things like she said behind my back. It just doesn't work for me that way. As I said before I aggressed toward this person "most of my friendships are based on loyalty. '

I see myself as a very loyal friend. One who would go above and beyond to help, support, give to a friend. It's that old "give you the shirt off my back" thing. I'd do that. I still do that. It's me. I realized in the low point of this previous friendship that the feeling/loyalty wasn't mutual. It hurts knowing that. We were friends since high school... and now... we're not. It takes a lot for me to walk away, but being betrayed verbally is something I don't tolerate. I'm a human being, and I reacted in that manor. Now, I work on a daily basis with the reality that I have someone within feet of me who once cared about me but has since disregarded me as a valuable human being in her life. How can that not hurt?

Meanwhile, back at reality... I understand the truth behind 'quality vs. quantity'. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do are spot on. They love me, and I love them. I would give them the shirt off my back, and they would do the same for me. I love that reality. I'm a blessed person to have the friends I do. No one can take them away from me.

So, when you're building your Facebook friend numbers, realize this: there are only a very few people who deserve the love and care you give them. They will show you in time who they are. It doesn't take a major life crisis... it takes time. Building on the friendships you have had is worth the time you have to give them. Be all you can be to the friends you have, because they're worth it. I found that out the hard way... more than once.