I Did It For Me...

It's funny sometimes, when I think about the things I do... and how different they are from "normal people." I wonder if my friends and family see me as odd or strange. Honestly, as time has passed, I've realized how little other people's opinions matter to me. I have my days, don't get me wrong... especially if someone I really care for has questioned me in some way. I want my relationships to be sturdy and honest. I don't shy away from controversy, nor do I pick fights, at least, for the most part. My true passions come out sometimes, and for those who know me, you know I will never back down from what means so much to me.

Today as I was working in the village, I passed a kitten who had been hit by a car. She (I didn't notice the gender, so for the sake of argument, I'll call it a 'she') was dead, and lying at the side of a village street that I frequent. My heart grew sad, and I prayed for the Lord to bless its little soul... and drove by. I do that all day long, as I travel around the county. Praying for the animals who have been struck and killed by a passing car. You can probably imagine how often I stop my mind and pray. Today was no different, and every time I do that, my heart aches a little for each life lost. My friends know that my passion is animals, and that I pour my heart and soul into their care and safety, as well as fight outwardly against things such as factory farming and animal abuse in general. It's not only my heart, but my income, my voice, and my spirit that goes into these things full force.

I passed the kitten several times today, even noting it to a coworker who needed to be driven back to the store. I pondered quite a bit, noticing that there are many stray cats - an epidemic in Albion - and the fact that no one was claiming the kitten, or caring to scoop her up and bury her. I decided that I would. Once I finished work, I took a small box with me, and headed down the street. I got out, feeling a bit anxious about the people who may notice what I was doing. I knelt down and picked her lifeless body up, stowed her in the box, and brought her home. No tears were shed... I think I mainly cry if I actually see an animal killed or injured. Like last month when I struck a deer. I was sure she was dead, but she wasn't. I sobbed uncontrollably, and suddenly she got up and bounded away. I don't know if she lived long or not, but it helped me heal seeing her run away.

When I got home, I got a shovel and took the box with the kitten down behind our home. There's a vacant area below a deck where nothing grows, and where we don't have any real activity. I was bombarded with the neighbor's dogs barking at me as I dug the hole... and thought maybe it would be good for the young neighbor girl to know what I was up to... but I left it alone. It was me and the kitten and God at that point. Once she was buried I came up and took a few swigs of something to calm me down, as I notice after I do something like this, I find my hands are trembling terribly. I sat down and took a few minutes to be still... didn't ask God for anything, or tell Him anything. He knows where my heart is, because He made it. He made me this way, and He knows what He wants to do with it in my life. I struggle to understand the immense pain it causes me to know of the overwhelming number of animals who lose their lives every day, but He doesn't. He knows, and He will show me when the time is right. Until then...

At my old job I used to pick up the worms on the sidewalks after a rain... I know people thought I was strange, but I didn't care. I was just being me. I've stopped along side many a road to help a turtle out of the middle of the street, so it wouldn't die. I'll always do that, because that's what my heart says is right.

So, as you read this and think of me as odd or strange, try to see it in another light. Try to see me as someone who values all life. Someone who will fight for the creatures who cannot speak for themselves. Try to see it in a way that broadens your perception of people and of God's creatures. And thanks for not teasing me to my face... I appreciate it :)