The prison of anxiety

It has been clear to me for a very long time that I am crippled by anxiety. I have recently been able to see a counselor to help me medicate through these issues. I have been crippled by the fear of leaving my home in recent weeks/months. I have gained ground with a new medication but today have fallen deeply into the fear and struggle of anxiety thinking about a trip I have known about for months. The days leading up to the trip are so brutal... muscle spasms, panic attacks, and the anxiety that stays with me throughout all of those things.

My faithful friends pray for me during these times, and I couldn't be more grateful for their prayers and thoughts. Still, through all of the minutes/hours/days of anticipating the trip, I find myself feeling a sense of fear. I know the Lord isn't in fear, and I pray for the strength to overcome it. My faith hasn't been enough for me to overcome it.

Please pray for me as you have in the past. I covet your prayers. I don't know why the Lord is dealing with me in this way, but I know He has my answers. I've been working hard at becoming an artist who is able to sell things that will bring income. As you may know, artists who try to live on the income that comes from selling pieces, it's mostly impossible. Thank you Jesus for Ben! I know he is here for my best, and I can't thank God enough for who Ben is and who I am able to be outside of Ben. Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of losing my job at Roberts Wesleyan College. I still have trouble with losing my job, but I know that the Lord is working in me for a better life than I could have had by staying an employee there. I have to trust Him in that, because I just don't see it.

There are people like me who are WAY worse off than me... and I know that I should be appreciative of where I am in my life. Still, it's a common thought to feel lesser... to feel unworthy... to feel low about where I am and what I am. With our world moving further from God and making more and more effort to believe in "self" and "human accomplishment," I struggle with being relevant in this world.

Try to reach out to the people who you know are struggling through life. It's valid, and can mean so much just to hear from someone when we're down. Thank you friends!