Being Honest...

Sometimes it isn't easy to break free from pride in order to be an open book with people. I've been struggling with that lately. Since being out of work, I've dealt with myself on a lot of levels, and finally I can see things more clearly about myself, my worth, my attitude, and my relationship to God.

I've had a job for a week now, and I've neglected to tell most of my friends because of the fear of being looked upon as a failure. I haven't found any work in my field, and my friend knows how much I've been struggling with being alone and without anything to do for so long. She saw how I was beating myself up and wanted to help me. She offered me a job as a delivery person for their auto parts store. Before she offered, however, I had been praying for the Lord to 'drop a job in my lap - simply because I wasn't finding anything'... He did that. Through Lisa. I knew it was His work, and so reluctantly I accepted. My pride had not been one of the many issues I'd dealt with in myself yet... and it had come time to do so. So, I told a spare few people, and they prayed for me, over me, and with me. I can say that, although it's only been two work days so far, I have found a sense of peace and gratitude that I wasn't sure I'd find. The people have been very kind, and it's a lively bunch of folks who work at the shop. They can be a bit on the crass side - things being talked about and said that I'm not at all used to hearing in a work setting... but maybe I'm supposed to bring Christ into the midst of them. I hope I can fulfill that task. It isn't stressful, no one thinks anything differently about me, I think in part because they don't know me yet. But it has been a blessing and I feel like the Lord is working through me and in me, although I'm not at all sure yet what His plan is.

Overall I'm writing this to tell my friends what I'm doing. Keeping it quiet was the last bit of pride that I needed to overcome. There are moments where I wonder why He sent me through all the schooling and working in a business setting for so many years, simply to move me out of that and into this. Healing doesn't come from the explained... and I'm learning that.

My friend knows the purpose of this job for me, and thus I continue to search for work in my field, not knowing if I'll ever get back to where my talents are used to their fullest... but this is a new season. This is where the Lord has brought me, and I can't ever be ashamed of what He wills for my life. Pride is definitely something I've had a problem with for a long time... and He's working me through that.

So, I'm around... tooling around in a pickup truck delivering oil filters, exhaust pipes, and carburetors... to name a few things. I hold my head high, and do my very best, as I always have. Thanks to my friends who believe in me, and pray for me... I wouldn't be the person I am without you in my life.