I don't know much about people, evidently. Somehow I expect more than I get over and over, yet never seem to learn from it, or lower my standards. What keeps that fire of belief lit within my heart? What causes us to continue with a shred of hope in others?
I've had friends recently who have been at odds with other friends because of teen issues that come up among girls in the same school/classes/clicks/etc. These things have gotten worse in our society, although I have no point of personal reference aside from what these friends share with me. What has come to me from their struggles via their children is that each of us holds some tiny shred of hope in others, no matter how small. We all have this ideal scenario of how a relationship should go, or what should or shouldn't happen within a friendship. The people who end up with no hope are the ones who eventually cut ties, alienate themselves, and commit suicide. It's true... not that I want to make that a huge point.
Lately I've been jaded by people, and have been more of a creeper on Facebook rather than a participant. I see what others are posting, find little to no interest in anything, and fail to create my own posts or much of any commentary. I used to really love making people laugh on my posts... but I've lost the hope I had in others somehow. Maybe my perspective has been skewed since I spend most of my time alone... in fact yes, it has become skewed. I need more than I had before, and realizing that has caused me to remove myself from others' view, in order to not show them how very much I need them. I don't like being needy, and I hate being seen as such. It isn't acceptable to me, and I fight it tooth and nail. People who recognize the issue are a spare few. People who either don't care enough or don't see it, I feel better knowing I can fool you in some way, and refuse to believe that you don't care, purely out of self preservation.
Children are also very needy - and more than willing to do whatever it takes to be important to someone other than the people they live with. It's scary what kids will go through for approval from someone they admire or want to be friends with. There are no rules anymore... kids push to the breaking point, and then push harder. They want to see the person of their disdain squirm. It makes bullying so rewarding - to know the power you have over someone else. The reality of all of that is that there will be winners and losers. Populars and unpopulars... the great and the unnoticed. The forgotten... the ones who even teachers and authority figures seem to miss and the Ideals - those who are impossible to miss. How has it gotten to this? I don't have any answers, only deep sadness and fear of the worst. Friendships aren't as deep and staying as they were when I was young. I still have friends from grade school... but the relationships between young girls now don't seem to be as long term. Neediness seems to never go away...
Meanwhile, I'm trying to make a decent collaboration between my experience and the kids being bullied and I think I've failed. What I have to say is sometimes pointless and without meaning, or meaningless and without point... Either way I'm giving up. Take away what you want... hopefully I haven't shit all over your belief in people, or in me.
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