Exercises in Patience...

They say that patience is earned... from struggles, through trials, and over time. Much time. I remember never praying for patience, because I was instructed that the Lord gives you more trials to get you to be more patient. That was not something I ever wanted, so I avoided it completely. As I age, ever so swiftly, I realize that my life is filled with patience-moments... I'm not sure when my patience became strong. I've noticed often in the last year that I don't react nearly so intensely as I used to. I guess the last couple of years have brought me through enough to where I've gained ground in this arena, and have achieved more than I realized. 

I often have moments at my work where patience is brought into focus. Not so much my personal patience as my boss's. We share a friendship that has lasted since high school, and so our relationship is one not only of officer and peon, but of listener, advisor, and joker. She says she needs patience... don't we all? But I usually tag her with "patience is earned..." and so it goes. She inspires me with her diligence, faithfulness, and ability to maintain relationships with people of widely varied personalities and circumstances. Her patience is tested daily at work... and it's hard for her to get beyond some things day in and day out. I feel as though my presence isn't only for the one person who was so obviously in need, but perhaps for her blessing as well. Lately she's gone to church with friends who have a strong faith base. I applaud her for her attendance. She's quiet about it, but I have to believe she's blessed when she goes. 

In any case, things hit us daily that require our action or reaction. It isn't always something we think about before doing - but as patience builds, we tend to think first and act second. As I mentioned today on Facebook, I was hit with a nasty moment this morning. We were preparing to rake the yard, and our new family member (dog) was on his lead line outside with us. I began, and our 'good rake' snapped right off after maybe 10 strokes. DAMNIT. Then, as I went into the yard, the dog's lead wrapped around my ankles and as I tried to 'hop' out of the tangle, I completely took a digger into a pile of poop. My whole arm was coated... and I was not too happy. Fortunately I didn't take anything out on anyone, but simply lifted my arm to show Ben, and got myself up and out of the mess. I laughed at my circumstance, and calmly walked into the house to wash up. Not the reaction everyone would have, but I can say I'm a better person for the peacefulness I've gained in my inner being. The faster you let things go, the faster you can move back into a position of joy. 

Patience is the hardest virtue to obtain, in my opinion. It's always strengthened in trials... there are no sunny days that bring it to fulfillment. It's the tough places where patience is learned. A calm sea never made a good sailor... (learned that one in my devotional). 

Try to see your struggles as more than that. Harken back on things you've gotten through, and look at who you are now as a result. I'm betting you'll find that you have a stronger back, and possibly a more joyful and loving heart. 

What it takes to love...

The recent weeks have taught me a lot about what it takes to love. I've had a lot of circumstances that required more of me than usual. Often I look at these types of things with a heavy sigh, but today I can say that those moments of hesitation have been worth the effort.

Not being a parent, I've known that my life has been much easier than most. What I've found is a new appreciation for the things that require all of you, and all of your attention and time. Caring for a dog is so much more than caring for cats! The time invested has been a reality that I'm not sure I was ready for... Alas, here we are in the midst of it. Getting up at 7 a.m. On Saturday is tough when you're used to sleeping until at least 9 .... But, the end result I want is way bigger than me. I want to make a difference, and I know what I'm doing will allow that.

Beside me is a man of high priority and sensitive heart. He loves my passionate heart, and has become a part of my passion. I believe each of us can make a difference in the lives of others, but it does take dedication. I say that as my beloved counterpart snores next to me, anticipating his team playing during the Sunday night game... He may never see the game!

I want to be a voice. I want to be heard, but if my voice is only heard by the animals my life impact, I will still feel successful. Be the voice... It's worth it.

Thoughts for Today...

This week has been one of successes and failures. I've had a lot of emotional ups and downs. I'll try to put it all into words, because I feel like I need to get it out.

What I do for a living right now is manual labor... and it wears on me emotionally and physically. I'm doing inventory right now, and by 4 p.m. each day, I'm spent. I can't think straight, nor do I trust myself to make accurate counts or revisions. I've joked about it to my colleagues, but it's a reality. What I've gained this week has been an increase in provision, as well as an increase in understanding of my work, and the potential to be more within it. I'm grateful to be a blessing to them, and to have the favor of the owners. To have a trust that not many have, even with one person, is valid, and important. To be able to feel valued and trusted is something I don't think I've felt in my previous jobs. I can say that it feels good, and that I'm blessed in what I'm doing.

Sometimes I don't trust myself with my emotions. I end up overwhelmed a lot, thinking and over thinking about things in my life that sometimes deserve my attention, and sometimes should just be passed off as trivial. This week, today for the most part, has been emotionally charged. Today marks 22 years since my dad passed away. He died on a friday, and it struck me harder than usual this year. I miss him, but rarely dwell on it like I do on October 5. Today I was in tears as work started, and my friend Phil at work knew I was struggling. He is the person I knew I was supposed to impact when I started this job. The Lord gave me that sense immediately when I stepped into the building to fill out the application. Since then, I've gained Phil's trust, and believe that I've impacted him in a positive way for God's glory.

This week I decided to help Phil with a dog he's been 'given'. He's had this dog for 2 weeks, and the dog came from an abusive home - one in which the owner was jailed for killing his last dog. He knew he could not have the dog, and risked a return trip to jail, so he gave the dog to Phil, who had a big enough heart to accept the dog into his home. It's been a challenge, to say the least, because the dog came to him with a significant injury that should be operated on. The dog is a sweet spirited German Shepherd, and Phil and I both agree he deserves a chance at life. So, I've placed a posting on GoFundMe.com, which has seen a few donations thus far (go see it if you can - I've posted it on my FB page). Today I received enough funding to get the dog a second opinion at another vet, and hopefully we will have a success story to share soon. Meanwhile, Phil has trusted me with not only this dog and the support I was willing to give, but with a very significant issue he's been struggling with. I was able to support him verbally, and listen to him as he shared. He's making strides in this world, and he's making strides in his faith, and I'm thrilled with that...

All that to say that I'm dealing with my emotional well being, and dealing with my passion for animals and with what the Lord has placed on my heart, and life. I have to trust Him, because it's within me to do so. Some of the pastors who I listen to don't believe that we will see animals in heaven. I tend to disagree, but solely out of my passion for them, and my need to feel as though God cares for them as much as I do. He's placed this within me, so if He doesn't see them as worthy, why would he have done that? I'm conflicted.

Writing this out has allowed me the time and peace to bring these things forward... to show them to you all... and to iron out the wrinkles of my conflicted soul. I am here to glorify God. I'm here to make a difference in the lives of people AND animals. I have done these things, and will continue to do so until my dying day. It's all I have, and I want to use all I have to be a success in this life. I'm called for more, and I want to be more. I'm called to serve, and I want to stand tall at the end of it all, and hear the Lord say "well done, my good and faithful servant!" That is my goal. What's yours?

What Creeps Me Out...

Okay, I'm writing today because I can, and I want to. Bottom line, I like to express myself in word. I'm better at writing than speaking. I've had classes in public speaking, and honestly, it was lost on me. I have friends who feel the same way, but have gone so far as to take classes to further their public speaking savvy. I'm not that gal... I gain a lot from my husband Ben who has become a very skilled professional in the ways of both public speaking and teaching. He could be a wonderful teacher if he wanted to. But, as this is my blog, I'm speaking for myself, and thus choose this medium instead of being out in front of a group who is staring at me, wondering what on earth I just said.

Today I had a situation that made me feel less than comfortable. I don't know if you've ever experienced something that made you feel extremely uneasy, but I did today, and I wanted to share. It wasn't out of the ordinary for me to travel into areas of the county/area that are less than perfect. One might describe them as low brow, back woods, ungodly, or perhaps freakishly out of the ordinary. It wasn't something I expected, because often I travel into these areas that are known as "the sticks." Once I passed the specific address, I turned around, and rolled into the driveway. Some of the people I know would have been severely put out by even venturing into this place, but like I said, it wasn't out of the ordinary for where I travel for work.

The feeling of despair came over me. The visual took me aback. House in disrepair; children in the driveway who seemed unkept, dirty, and poor; trash everywhere. There were stacks of old tires, broken and unused items piling up near the trees/house/garage... and a feeling of overwhelming evil. I was shocked frankly, because I've never experienced this feeling on my routes thus far. It was something new, and I didn't like it at all.

As I stepped out of the car, I noticed an adult who seemed uncomfortable with the sight of a 'stranger.' I tend to walk boldly, and have known that by doing this, you ward off the idea that you're weak and easily overcome. The transaction was not out of the ordinary - familiar enough for me to feel somewhat comfortable standing and waiting for the man to finish writing out a check for me. I walked away feeling as though I shouldn't have my back to this person, as the children suddenly disappeared and I was there alone with this man. I came away with a completely overwhelming feeling of evil. I'm not used to that, and it frightened me.

I know that I represent a Light in these situations, and cling ever so tightly to that reality in times such as this. I hope that my light was evident, but it will always be unknown if it truly was. One thing is for certain - I don't plan on going there ever again. I'm not strong enough to handle whatever was there. I fear for the well being of the children, and the man I interacted with. I have no idea what it was that brought these feelings about, but I know it wasn't good.

I trust in God to preserve my going out and my coming in... it says I can trust Him with that in the Bible. Thank GOD. I'm not one to linger on bad things like this, but I haven't been able to shake the feeling I got while I was there, but I don't intend to keep it with me as I go forward tomorrow during my full day of work, or from here on. I just needed to express it and to warn my readers. Not everywhere you go is safe and comfortable. Not everyone you come into contact with is good and trustworthy. Just be aware of your circumstances and know that the Lord guides you through even the most ugly of situations...

Obedience...

Does God ever talk to you in a way that you KNOW it's Him? Is there ever a time when you just know that you've heard from the Lord? I do... and it's really amazing. Once, years ago, I was heading to church with my mother. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular that I recall. Two numbers dropped into my mind. 7 and 6. I thought 'that's odd...' and then said a small prayer "Jesus, show me what that means, and let it be clear." Within a week I received a check in the mail from some savings my uncle had left to me. The total of the check was $767.76. I knew when I saw that number, that He was speaking to me in my giving, and I handed that check over to the church with a note about what had transpired. It was magic to me. My spiritual gift is giving, and it does me so much good to be able to give to a cause or to someone in need. It makes me feel alive.

This week I had the Lord speak to me again. I was driving to a volunteer event that I take part in. I wasn't thinking about much of anything - once again. And once again, someone dropped into the forefront of my mind. Immediately after that person came to mind, a sum of money came to mind as well. That money hadn't been earmarked for anything specific, but I had been holding onto it to perhaps purchase a used exercise bike, or some new shoes (SHOOOOEEESSSS!!!) I knew right away, however, that the Lord wanted to use me and that money to bless that someone who came to mind. The lessons I learn in these instances are the lessons of obedience. I know that obedience is my biggest outward profession of faith. If I obey, I'm blessed. That's just how God works it. So, feeling slightly excited at the idea of being a blessing, I wrote a note to the person, not being sure of how they'd receive what I had to say... but believing the Lord was in control of the situation... I obeyed. I handed the note in an envelope to the person yesterday. I said 'don't open it now.' When prompted further, I said, 'you can't tell anyone about it... until my funeral.' and we laughed. Today I saw that person at a local eatery. Never had I thought that I'd see them there, but I happened to be there having lunch with my mother. They said "I owe you a hug." and we embraced. And further said "Thank you, Christy. I really appreciate it." I didn't have words, and my mother was waiting for me, so we left it at that. I know I'll have a chance to discuss what the Lord did once I see them again, but the moment didn't require words. They know my faith, and now they know my heart, and my commitment to being obedient to the Lord. I know that it will manifest what it needs to for that person, and it gives me a deep sense of joy to be a part of that.

When I started the job I have now, the first day on the job I knew I was there to bless this person. I knew he was there and I was there at the same time for God's purposes, and I had to wait until this week to have it manifest itself into a tangible blessing. I shared what had taken place with my mother once I sat down after the brief exchange. She was blessed as well. To know her children have grown to be listeners and obeyers of the Lord brings her great joy.  On a side note, this person has just recently found out that he will be a father for the fourth time, that his wife lost her job to layoffs, and just this week his only vehicle was repossessed out of the parking lot at work, and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. He's often very angry, and has trouble coping with difficulties, so those things were present in the depths of my mind when the Lord called on me to give.

I was thinking about a verse in the bible that indicates that, if we have even the smallest bit of faith, we can move mountains. I was always troubled by that verse, because I took it literally. I thought, 'sure, if my faith was that of Moses or David in the bible, I probably COULD move a mountain... but it isn't, and I haven't.' But, the epiphany I had this week was that the mountains I can move aren't made of stone, but of flesh. I can move a heart toward God by being obedient in what He calls me to do. I moved a 'stoney heart' toward knowing Him more deeply, and seeing Him work through me. It's really a brilliant thing to be a part of. Hopefully I will get to see more as I go forward in faith.

It isn't always easy to be obedient. It takes a lot of strength to step out of what you know to be true in the world, and put your money down on the 'possible.' I encourage you to try it... to believe in God's promises, and open your heart to what He would have of you. You won't find a greater joy...

I Did It For Me...

It's funny sometimes, when I think about the things I do... and how different they are from "normal people." I wonder if my friends and family see me as odd or strange. Honestly, as time has passed, I've realized how little other people's opinions matter to me. I have my days, don't get me wrong... especially if someone I really care for has questioned me in some way. I want my relationships to be sturdy and honest. I don't shy away from controversy, nor do I pick fights, at least, for the most part. My true passions come out sometimes, and for those who know me, you know I will never back down from what means so much to me.

Today as I was working in the village, I passed a kitten who had been hit by a car. She (I didn't notice the gender, so for the sake of argument, I'll call it a 'she') was dead, and lying at the side of a village street that I frequent. My heart grew sad, and I prayed for the Lord to bless its little soul... and drove by. I do that all day long, as I travel around the county. Praying for the animals who have been struck and killed by a passing car. You can probably imagine how often I stop my mind and pray. Today was no different, and every time I do that, my heart aches a little for each life lost. My friends know that my passion is animals, and that I pour my heart and soul into their care and safety, as well as fight outwardly against things such as factory farming and animal abuse in general. It's not only my heart, but my income, my voice, and my spirit that goes into these things full force.

I passed the kitten several times today, even noting it to a coworker who needed to be driven back to the store. I pondered quite a bit, noticing that there are many stray cats - an epidemic in Albion - and the fact that no one was claiming the kitten, or caring to scoop her up and bury her. I decided that I would. Once I finished work, I took a small box with me, and headed down the street. I got out, feeling a bit anxious about the people who may notice what I was doing. I knelt down and picked her lifeless body up, stowed her in the box, and brought her home. No tears were shed... I think I mainly cry if I actually see an animal killed or injured. Like last month when I struck a deer. I was sure she was dead, but she wasn't. I sobbed uncontrollably, and suddenly she got up and bounded away. I don't know if she lived long or not, but it helped me heal seeing her run away.

When I got home, I got a shovel and took the box with the kitten down behind our home. There's a vacant area below a deck where nothing grows, and where we don't have any real activity. I was bombarded with the neighbor's dogs barking at me as I dug the hole... and thought maybe it would be good for the young neighbor girl to know what I was up to... but I left it alone. It was me and the kitten and God at that point. Once she was buried I came up and took a few swigs of something to calm me down, as I notice after I do something like this, I find my hands are trembling terribly. I sat down and took a few minutes to be still... didn't ask God for anything, or tell Him anything. He knows where my heart is, because He made it. He made me this way, and He knows what He wants to do with it in my life. I struggle to understand the immense pain it causes me to know of the overwhelming number of animals who lose their lives every day, but He doesn't. He knows, and He will show me when the time is right. Until then...

At my old job I used to pick up the worms on the sidewalks after a rain... I know people thought I was strange, but I didn't care. I was just being me. I've stopped along side many a road to help a turtle out of the middle of the street, so it wouldn't die. I'll always do that, because that's what my heart says is right.

So, as you read this and think of me as odd or strange, try to see it in another light. Try to see me as someone who values all life. Someone who will fight for the creatures who cannot speak for themselves. Try to see it in a way that broadens your perception of people and of God's creatures. And thanks for not teasing me to my face... I appreciate it :)

As Life Moves On...

Lately I've been witness to a lot of parents readying for the graduation of their children. Be it high school, middle school, kindergarten, pre K, or whatever they're facing, all of them are brimming with pride. It's a beautiful thing to see. The hard work of not only the kids', but the parents' work coming to fruition.

What I take away from all of that is this: no matter what stage of life you're in, there is pride and joy in each step. The realities not only of parents, but of people like myself who aren't parents, can be a source of encouragement and joy to us as we walk through them in faith. I'm sure if I was to delve into discussions with these people on the mountains moved in order to get to where they are now, they'd have stories that I would be taken back to realize. I'd like to know - and it would take some research - the biggest hurdles that each of us have faced, and overcome, in order to be where we are now. I think obviously the hurdles would vary greatly in each of us. Seniors in high school might reach back in their minds of the struggles with bullying, or the strain of passing each year in school. Perhaps even the boundaries placed in their lives for their own good... as we all know, the youth know it all, so the boundaries are all unnecessary... but have built them into the strong willed people they are now. Maybe a kindergartener would think for a moment, only to say they made a friend out of someone who they used to dislike... but then, that might be way too cerebral for a kindergartener. I wonder what my friends who have graduating children would say... would the hurdles be a distant gray mist in their minds on a day like graduation day? Would the issues of rearing a quality child outweigh the joy of the moment where that child walked head on into the next stage of life? I hear women say that childbirth is such an awful struggle, but the moment that child is placed into their arms, the pain disappears from memory. I wonder if it's like that with a stage of life like graduation, or a first grandchild, or of any other stage that comes along. I suspect that the people I know who are in tears over this graduation day may say yes, all of these things bring so much joy, that everything hard along the way pales in comparison.

We can all have a life of joyous new beginnings. Being a non-parent, I tend to see things more broadly, and have a different perspective than that of the parent who is in the midst of turmoil regarding a child. Life for me is a broad road - one that has so many facets, trials and turns, and I reflect heavily on each of them. I think and dwell many hours on things that are big picture - long term - what will become of this or that... what will happen if this or that should occur... it can be overwhelming. But, I know my life is so much easier in ways than that of people who have chosen to be parents. In some instances, it isn't, but in others, it really is.

In any case, what my take away from this is, we all have stages of life that we face. Some are joyous, and some are heart wrenching. Life has its trials, and each of us have to face them head on. Some go ahead timidly, and others go boldly. I tend to be timid in times of change and trial. I also tend to over think things to a fault. What I know is that I'm in the midst of a life change made by God. He's placed me into a life that forces me to face the life HE wants from me. I haven't ever seen my life as being 'for His glory.' That's what life is for me as a Christian. It isn't about what I want out of life, but what will glorify Him. I know I'm doing my best to glorify Him in my life right now. I never have before, and I realize that. What I need to be is Christ to those I meet. I may be the only part of Christ these people ever see, and I need to be the best representation I can be. It's hard, I'm not saying it's anything but hard... but it's worth it. He has a plan for me. Plans to profit me, and not to break me down. Plans for a hope and a future.  I strive for that... because I know my best life will occur as a result.

I recently went through a car wash, and the attendant who wiped my car down was a sweet faced youth, probably in high school. I always try to give them a little tip, but that day I only had a $20. I thought twice about giving up twenty bucks for someone to wipe down my car. I saw his face, and his faithfulness in his work. He smiled at everyone, and did his job to the best of his ability. I handed over that twenty dollar bill, simply because sometimes doing things like that can change someone's life, or at least their perspective on others. Why not change someone's perspective? It's worth it, and I pray that he was blessed by that. I try to do that more often, because in doing things like that, I not only bless someone I may never see again, but I too am blessed by being a source of God's love. Afterward I always pray for the Lord to be real in that person's life, and for them to find God.

Be your best. Be your best to your children and to the people you meet in life. Your children will take that away from their lives in your care. Don't feel badly if you struggle - we all do. Just be your best, and remember who you're teaching to be the best they can be in the middle of it all. For by being that to a stranger, we may be entertaining angels unaware...