Years ago, I was part of a leadership group at my work at Roberts Wesleyan College. They chose me to be a participant, and I felt honored that they did. I shared a poem from my daily devotional one day during our meetings and it made me cry as I read in front of the group. I want to share it here:
I said "Let me walk in the field,"
God said "Nay, walk in the town,"
I said "There are no flowers there,"
He said "No flowers, but a crown."
I said "But the sky is black,
There is nothing but noise and din,"
But He wept as He sent me back,
"There is more" he said, "there is sin."
I said "But the air is thick,
and fogs are veiling the sun;"
He answered "Yet souls are sick,
And souls in the dark undone."
I said "I shall miss the light,
and friends will miss me, they say;"
And He answered to me "Choose tonight,
If I am to miss you, or they."
I pleaded for time to be given;
He said "Is it hard to decide?
It will not seem hard in heaven
To have followed the steps of your Guide."
I cast one look at the field,
Then set my face to the town;
He said "My child, do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?"
Then into His hand went mine,
And into my heart came He;
And I walk in a Light divine,
The path I had feared to see.
This poem has been part of my inner being for all these years. I have kept it in my heart ever since the first time I read it. My life has been a series of these moments... when I beat my wings against the cage, trying my best to break free from where He placed me. It's a futile effort, even though I seem to forget the futility often. I have spent so many years trying to find my own way. In recent years, without the comfort of a steady income of my own, I have had to rely on the Lord for my strength, my light, my daily life. I spent so many hours pouring out my heart to God, pleading with Him to show me what He wants for me. It has been a long road, and a very difficult struggle. I have always known that He directs my paths. I just don't want to hear it when I feel as though I want to do more, and be more. It isn't wrong to want to be more, but I know He wants me to be more FOR HIM. He is my sustenance, and He provides for me.
My point in all of this is to say, yesterday I felt the Lord's tug at me when my neighbor stopped over to our house. He is struggling with a spouse who is deteriorating quickly with Alzheimer's disease. He asked me to help him update his house last year but we never got to it. This year, he has another need before we begin the house chores. I will be caring for his cats as he takes his wife to Florida where he is updating a condo for them to spend the winters in. He isn't sure if his wife will be well enough to go this coming winter, but I think the condo is more for his benefit in the future. They aren't faith based people, and don't have a relationship with God. I know the Lord is tugging at me to be part of their lives, help them in their time of need, and hopefully show them His love and eternal blessings.
Please pray for my neighbors and friends. Please pray for our time together to be fruitful. I know God has a plan in all of this, and it was a strong enough tug on my heart and mind for me to share it here. Listen for the Lord. Hear His words in your life. It's important, and if you listen closer, you may not have to bear the years of uncertainty that I have in waiting on His path to be made known to me. Wasted time isn't wasted when you're resting in the Lord, and waiting on His timing.
