Many emotions crowd my existence during the holiday season... The heart warming joy of giving... The fun of finding just the right gift... The pleasure of watching a loved one open a gift. There are negatives as well... Stress when your family won't comply to your holiday expectations... Disappointment when, no matter how far you bend to make someone comfortable, they still bail on you at the last minute (knowing full well they had planned their excuse for a week)... It's a tough balance to figure out. Being an introverted antisocial with mental shortcomings riddling your entire family, things can really hurt no matter how gently they are received.
Today all but one of us came together for breakfast... And as my brother talked on and on, breakfast lasted until 6 tonight. I'm mentally exhausted, but I had a good day. Still, I was looking forward to the end about 3 hours before the end happened... Part of the mental illness I suppose. All in all I know we did our very best, and I won't hear from my mother for most of a week as she "recovers" from the event...
This year we didn't exchange gifts with any of our family... Either due to a lack of income or because we are saving for a trip next year. That felt bad... No matter how much of a pain it is to find the right gift, gifts are a big part of this season. To forfeit gifts is like passing on your birthday... It's not normal! But, despite the lack of gifts and wasted wrapping paper... It was nice to not have to fill expectations and just be together.
This may end up being what my family's Christmas' turn into on a permanent basis. As long as I can force my will and need on everyone to at least gather for a meal, I guess that's something to look forward to.
Merry Christmas...
