Sunday, March 24, 2013

Easter...

Today's sermon revolved around Christ's prayer before being betrayed. For not only Jesus' strength in the Father but for the strength of the Disciples and for the future generations of Christians. Jesus prayed for us all in that moment, for us to be in Him while we're on earth, and be protected from the world. If you're of the world, you aren't of the Lord... your core being has to be about Jesus and His direction for our lives. We're in the world, but we're not "of" the world. It's very difficult to do day after day.

One thing that brought me back to a humble reality was to realize who I am to others in my life. Who I portray on a daily basis. Do people know I'm a Christian? Do the things I do and say reveal Christ to anyone in my path? Most days I'd have to say no, sadly... My language, my attitude, the things I choose to talk about to others... are hardly influenced by the Lord. That's a sad reality for me, because in my heart, I know what I'm supposed to be, and day after day I fall so short. I've had people say they didn't think I was a Christian when they heard me profess that I am. How awful that moment was - to realize that people who I've spent time around had no idea where my heart was. I don't want people to make that mistake again, but like I said, day after day, it's tough to get through without stumbling on the world we walk through.

Easter season isn't what it used to be as far as I'm concerned. It used to be a time of humility and of sacrifice as my parents would teach us what the lenten season was about, and what that could look like in our own lives. As an adult I haven't practiced worshiping the Lord in my humility nor have I sacrificed anything in order to be reminded of what Jesus did during his 40 days in the wilderness, or his ultimate sacrifice on the cross. I walk through this time of year without adding those aspects to my daily worship. I think I've been making a mistake in that I've been passive in my relationship with the Lord during these important seasons of the year. We need to bring ourselves to a place of humility in the presence of God, be it during Easter or daily... It's hard to break out of our routines in order to implement a time of sacrifice. It's too hard to do sometimes. But if we do it, we can experience a communion with the Lord through that sacrifice that we wouldn't have otherwise.

This Easter season, spend a moment or two dwelling on what Jesus did for us both in His sacrifice and in His prayers for us as Christians. Take the time to listen to the Easter story, and fit that into your celebrations. Eggs, bunnies, candy, and everything else that the world has made this season to be doesn't have any impact on your life as a Christian. Sacrificing yourself for others, giving to the needs of your fellow man, and showing the world who Christ is in you is the thing that makes the Easter season what it was meant to be.

Be blessed this Easter and always! Rejoice! For He was was dead is alive once more!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

When It's All You've Got Left...

Now and then, very rarely for my case, there comes a situation that takes me down. It's an emotional wrecking ball. It may be that it's my own battle, or a loved one's, but if you're connected to that loved one deeply enough, it's your battle too. For me, my mother's battles are my own, and I take her needs and desires very seriously. She has been in a battle this week, and it has taken its toll on me as well. Her beloved dog has fallen ill to a very serious issue that could have taken his life, and he's not out of the woods yet. He has been in emergency care since Saturday, and they're calling him "satisfactory" at this point. He has yet to eat solid food however, and he may very well not be able to, which is the final hurdle in this race for healing.

When mom calls and asks me to pray, I know it's important. During this week of uncertainty with her dog, she has continued to update me several times a day via text or phone call. I've been stressing out over it non stop. I don't know if I'm alone in this, but if my mother cries, I automatically begin to cry along with her. She and I have a very deep bond, a beloved friendship, and I cherish that. It's times like these where I stand back and reflect on how very blessed I am to have her as my mother.

So, within all of that, because she's asked me, and because my faith is strong, I've been praying continuously for mom, for my stepdad Bill, and for "Boo." Boo is a huge part of mom's life - to the point where she gave up her  yearly excursion to SC this past year because she didn't trust her dog to anyone or anywhere but home with her. This is her most favorite pet of all time (she admitted this to me this week), and her tears of fear and uncertainty about his future broke me to my core. I knew I had to step my prayer up a notch. That's when I pull out the big card, and begin to Fast. You may not know what that is, but for me, it's a huge commitment. I don't do it often, and probably haven't in over 10 years. If I commit to it, you know it's serious.

Fasting for me is like shouting at the Lord. It's my way of saying "Hey, look God, I'm serious here... I need you to stop and listen to me and answer this prayer the way I want you to. Now." I get pretty aggressive with my prayers during a fast. It seems as though whenever a hunger pang comes on, I pray. During these couple of days, my prayers have been feverish and intense. I'm demanding the Lord to move on this issue, and to heal Boo of all of his ailments. It's a big request in my opinion, because more often than not God doesn't answer my animal-based prayers the way I want Him to. I don't often put my trust in God on animal issues, because He just doesn't do what I ask. I know, that's pretty small and doesn't reflect a true Christian's heart in regard to trusting the Lord and leaning not on our own understanding. Yeah yeah, I get it. I'm still asking what I want to ask, and praying how I want to pray, and hoping that the Lord will acknowledge my prayer and fasting with mercy and healing. So far, so good... but we're not at the end of this race yet.

Fasting isn't supposed to be a bargaining chip to use with God to get what we want. It's supposed to be a humbling of self in hopes to receive better understanding of what He wants from US. I happen to use it the other way around, and I know I'm wrong. There have been times when I do it the right way, but desperate times lead to desperate measures. I'm desperate for my mother's heart not to break. I'm desperate for a simple animal's life to be spared. I suppose, if I allow it, I could receive a better understanding of what He wants of me through all of this, but for now that's not my goal...

These misgivings may lead to another disappointment... I have to accept that as a possibility. But this effort, for me, will not go without a stronger feeling of connectedness to God and to my mother. It's not a wasted effort no matter what the outcome. To commit to something like this can only be good, right? I'm sticking with that... for now. Wish us luck!