What can one say about the Christmas season in 2012? For me, it hasn't been a big hit so far... but alas, I will be heading to the stores tomorrow to finish off this season's shopping. I dread it, but I'm also enlivened by it. My passion is giving... my Gift as far as my Christ-like gifts, is giving, and it brings me more joy than anything else. To know I'm making someone smile, to bring a laugh, a tear of gratitude, a moment of pure enjoyment... that's what I live for. It takes many forms: from your standard gift giving to a moment of wise counsel, or the gift of sharing your home with a needy creature. I love every second of it, and it's what gives me hope for tomorrow.
This time of year I also see the lousy side of humanity. The people who loathe the holidays, and do everything in their power to ruin someone else's day... the commercialism that runs rampant from Halloween to new year's day... it's sad really. To spoil Christ's birthday with all of the rubbish of forcible gift exchange makes Christ's birth take a back seat to Santa's impending visit. Not that I don't wish I could sit on Santa's lap and share a photo with people of the silliness, but that's outside of my point. What is it worth, all of this hustle and over indulgence? Sharing the holidays with family and sitting together, longing to be elsewhere, or wishing the gift was better because what you received was more than what you spent... Trying to sit through a meal with people who may as well be strangers as family because of the year-long turmoil that wracks your family's relationships? It doesn't seem worth it, and I understand full well why people get depressed this time of year. I'm there in ways...
I watch friends who revel in the holiday spirit - decking their halls with loveliness and cheeky Santas just because they can and it's fun... baking until their storehouses are filled to the brim, hoping to share their bounty with friends and family who rarely make an appearance outside of this time of year. There's a moment of hope in these people, because no matter what, they love Christmas time, and want to make the most of it - if not for their loved ones, for themselves... I wonder if they feel fulfilled in what they accomplish, and hope that they're happy in all of the fussing they do.
Myself, even though I love to give, Christmas time is difficult. It is a result of missing my father, missing gift exchange because monetary limitations require it to be so for most of us, the anticipation of 'having to give' when you know your funds just don't allow it. I find my frugality outweighs my giving at times. Although I want to bless, I also want to save. How does that work?! It doesn't. You either do or you don't. No middle ground. So, out of my need to spend, I do so, wanting to give to all to my loved ones. If I don't open my doors, there is no Christmas. If I don't make the meal, there is only a step-meal where my brother won't go, and where we're just part of a crowd where we don't feel anything but anxiety even though everyone does their very best to make us feel like family. I don't want my family to not have Christmas together... and I'm very much alone in that reality. I live with family who can't get past their limitations in order to rise above and do the right thing. I live with the reality that, if I don't do, it won't get done. I dislike my reality, but it is what it is. I cannot change anyone but myself in this season. I choose to bless by opening my doors, making a meal and making sure my family has a place to go on Christmas day. It's not easy, but it is what my position in my family is.
All that to say, Christmas isn't easy... it's a time of giving, a time of sharing, a time of blessing. It can be a wonderful time of year, and should be for that matter. I must remove myself from my situation in order to realize what I have, what I can give, and what it is to be part of a season where not everyone has a place to go at Christmas, a family to share love and gifts with, a warm home to feel safe in. When you boil it down to what it really is, it seems silly that we become as anxious as we do. Myself included. How many moments of horror and ugliness in our world does it take to break us from what mindset we have, into a realization that we have it really good? I can't say that I don't get bogged down with all of it, but there comes a moment when you have to step back, look at the big picture, and say "man, my life is easy compared to..."
Don't let the World's Season get in the way of what this holiday is all about. It's about a savior, born for our salvation - born into humanity to take our sins away, and bring us out of the 'world' into a new life of love and forgiveness. Take time to breathe that in. Take a moment to step outside of your circumstances to look at what this season is really about - it's about the gift of life... the gift of everlasting life to those who choose it. The forgiveness of sins and the promise of an eternal life in heaven. Be blessed this season. Be more than a giver - be a receiver of the blessings of Christ. Be a reveler in the joys of a holy birth - a supernatural moment in time that brings us all the opportunity for so much more. Remind yourself that Christmas doesn't have to be the hustle and bustle, but a time of reflection and joy. Bring Christ back into Christmas.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
A Prayer for the Broken...
I stand back and watch the world around me sometimes and it makes me so sad. All of the things our country has been enduring seems to indicate that the end is near. One can only hope. There are times when I ponder the thought processes of the people who have committed these acts of evil, and I can't seem to wrap my head around what they must be living with that would cause them to act out in these ways. I suppose most people do the same - try to understand. There are just some people in this world who are bent on doing harm to others, for whatever reason they justify it with. We can't begin to know the inner thoughts of these people. They may have endured tragic circumstances that have pushed them over the edge of reason. They may have mental disorders, been abused, bullied, abandoned... we just don't know what makes them tick. I see it as a part of our lives that we can't and won't understand. God knows, and He understands, but it's too much for us as human beings to fully comprehend.
As for this latest tragedy in CT, all I can do is shake my head. It goes without saying that this is far more than any of those families should face. There was no reason, and it baffles me as to why someone would want to purpose to harm an innocent child. I know there is a special place for people like that in hell, but I pull back when I feel that way, not wanting that anyone should endure that most horrific place. In the end, I have to leave it in God's hands. He tells us to leave revenge to Him, and allow His wrath to take the place of our own. That's difficult to do, but at the same time, in this case, it has already been handed down. We have no say in the matter. We can only turn our anger and fear into pity and empathy.
And so I pray...
Lord, you know what has happened, and saw it before it was even a thought in that man's mind. You know all of the lost, and have them in Your mighty hand. All of the tears shed are in your hand as well, and we take comfort in knowing You are in control of all things. We wish we could understand why things like this happen, and we long for a peace and comfort that only You can give. Please Lord, extend your merciful hand to each one of those who are suffering now. Please allow them to experience your grace and mercy first hand, and feel Your presence in their midst. Don't allow the anger and fear to hinder one moment of their lives. Bless the little children who survived, and the teachers, parents, caregivers, loved ones, and community who no doubt are bearing the burden of uncertainty, confusion, and loss. Please bless the souls of all the lost, and let Your will be done according to Your perfect timing. Thank you Lord... we cling to the faith we have in these times of struggle, and wait for a time when Your perfect kingdom will stand on earth, as it is in heaven.
In your precious name we pray, Amen.
As for this latest tragedy in CT, all I can do is shake my head. It goes without saying that this is far more than any of those families should face. There was no reason, and it baffles me as to why someone would want to purpose to harm an innocent child. I know there is a special place for people like that in hell, but I pull back when I feel that way, not wanting that anyone should endure that most horrific place. In the end, I have to leave it in God's hands. He tells us to leave revenge to Him, and allow His wrath to take the place of our own. That's difficult to do, but at the same time, in this case, it has already been handed down. We have no say in the matter. We can only turn our anger and fear into pity and empathy.
And so I pray...
Lord, you know what has happened, and saw it before it was even a thought in that man's mind. You know all of the lost, and have them in Your mighty hand. All of the tears shed are in your hand as well, and we take comfort in knowing You are in control of all things. We wish we could understand why things like this happen, and we long for a peace and comfort that only You can give. Please Lord, extend your merciful hand to each one of those who are suffering now. Please allow them to experience your grace and mercy first hand, and feel Your presence in their midst. Don't allow the anger and fear to hinder one moment of their lives. Bless the little children who survived, and the teachers, parents, caregivers, loved ones, and community who no doubt are bearing the burden of uncertainty, confusion, and loss. Please bless the souls of all the lost, and let Your will be done according to Your perfect timing. Thank you Lord... we cling to the faith we have in these times of struggle, and wait for a time when Your perfect kingdom will stand on earth, as it is in heaven.
In your precious name we pray, Amen.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
When To Say When...
I'm having trouble formulating my thoughts today. I've been under quite a bit of stress and have felt mentally exhausted for several days. The time has come to make a final decision on the dog we've been caring for since September, and the decision has been more difficult than any thus far in my adult life.
I've never owned my own dog. We had German Shepherds growing up, but I've never made decisions for their care. Now, I'm finding the need to remove myself from the care of this dog, Loki. We received him into our home after severe incidents in his life where his owner and another person were not fit to care for him. As we've gone along week after week, we've noticed an increase in Loki's aggression. First, it was with the veterinarian, then with friends and relatives, then us directly. The anxiety, fear, and pain Loki has gone through has been beyond what any animal should bear. He's had a rough road, and even as much as we've given, it seems as though we aren't enough.
When does the moment come when you realize you can't achieve the goal you so whole heartedly intended? For me, it was today. The aggressive moment today took everything I had, and brought me to a place where I had to say 'when.' I hate that moment. I hate it with all of my being. No one wants to admit they can't do something... it's not a feeling you want to face. Why can't I make what I want happen, happen? What's wrong with ME that this issue can't be resolved within my means, my abilities, my love? I've given my whole heart to this dog... and he returns my love with anger and undue aggression. There's nothing more I can give. We've given time, love, excellent care... to what end? At this point, Loki's last resort - the very last resort for any animal - is Lollipop Farm. Today he would have been euthanized, but instead my beloved insisted on giving him every opportunity available and made an appointment to surrender Loki to Lollipop. My heart aches. I don't want to burden others with an animal who could potentially hurt someone. I know Lollipop goes through this daily, and their care is more than what we could ever give. They have resources that we don't have, and the hope, though very dim, is all we have to cling to as Loki's life hangs in the balance. We've grown to love this dog... he's part of our lives. We give him all we have - we stay home to work or shorten our work days more often than not in order to give him love and security. All we've sacrificed - all the people who have given money toward his care - comes down to this. It's not fair.
Animals, especially dogs like Loki, can't seem to come back from the wrong that's been done to them. We don't trust Loki with much of anything aside from his own breathing. He's an abused creature. He's broken... and fixing him will take so much more than we can even think. Our best hope would be that a rescue organization would take him on and rehabilitate him, but there is so much need in this area... there's "no room at the inn" so to speak. So much effort has gone forward - time, money, love, stress, medical and emotional care... it has been overwhelming in ways. Every day is a new one... yet, every day comes with additional anxiety, need, and uncertainty.
It pains me greatly to 'give up' on Loki. I've been told time after time to think of myself before the dog. Think of my own well being and forego his. I can't easily do that... it isn't in my nature. I know many people go through the same issues, and have the same struggles. It's not easy to make that decision. I've been crying all day, and so has Ben. We still have a week to go before Lollipop can take Loki, but the end is in sight, and it breaks our hearts to leave something we've come to love in the hands of another who may very well decide his life isn't worth saving...
Please keep us in prayer this week as we make Loki's life as lovely as possible, and take as much time and care as we possibly can in order to make sure we feel fulfilled in his care. It's more us than it is him, but even in that, to give up is just so difficult. Thank you to all of you who have prayed and given. It wasn't for nothing... he's had a great life while he's been with us. He received that because of all of our care and feelings of responsibility for his life. Thank you for your help in that.
I've never owned my own dog. We had German Shepherds growing up, but I've never made decisions for their care. Now, I'm finding the need to remove myself from the care of this dog, Loki. We received him into our home after severe incidents in his life where his owner and another person were not fit to care for him. As we've gone along week after week, we've noticed an increase in Loki's aggression. First, it was with the veterinarian, then with friends and relatives, then us directly. The anxiety, fear, and pain Loki has gone through has been beyond what any animal should bear. He's had a rough road, and even as much as we've given, it seems as though we aren't enough.
When does the moment come when you realize you can't achieve the goal you so whole heartedly intended? For me, it was today. The aggressive moment today took everything I had, and brought me to a place where I had to say 'when.' I hate that moment. I hate it with all of my being. No one wants to admit they can't do something... it's not a feeling you want to face. Why can't I make what I want happen, happen? What's wrong with ME that this issue can't be resolved within my means, my abilities, my love? I've given my whole heart to this dog... and he returns my love with anger and undue aggression. There's nothing more I can give. We've given time, love, excellent care... to what end? At this point, Loki's last resort - the very last resort for any animal - is Lollipop Farm. Today he would have been euthanized, but instead my beloved insisted on giving him every opportunity available and made an appointment to surrender Loki to Lollipop. My heart aches. I don't want to burden others with an animal who could potentially hurt someone. I know Lollipop goes through this daily, and their care is more than what we could ever give. They have resources that we don't have, and the hope, though very dim, is all we have to cling to as Loki's life hangs in the balance. We've grown to love this dog... he's part of our lives. We give him all we have - we stay home to work or shorten our work days more often than not in order to give him love and security. All we've sacrificed - all the people who have given money toward his care - comes down to this. It's not fair.
Animals, especially dogs like Loki, can't seem to come back from the wrong that's been done to them. We don't trust Loki with much of anything aside from his own breathing. He's an abused creature. He's broken... and fixing him will take so much more than we can even think. Our best hope would be that a rescue organization would take him on and rehabilitate him, but there is so much need in this area... there's "no room at the inn" so to speak. So much effort has gone forward - time, money, love, stress, medical and emotional care... it has been overwhelming in ways. Every day is a new one... yet, every day comes with additional anxiety, need, and uncertainty.
It pains me greatly to 'give up' on Loki. I've been told time after time to think of myself before the dog. Think of my own well being and forego his. I can't easily do that... it isn't in my nature. I know many people go through the same issues, and have the same struggles. It's not easy to make that decision. I've been crying all day, and so has Ben. We still have a week to go before Lollipop can take Loki, but the end is in sight, and it breaks our hearts to leave something we've come to love in the hands of another who may very well decide his life isn't worth saving...
Please keep us in prayer this week as we make Loki's life as lovely as possible, and take as much time and care as we possibly can in order to make sure we feel fulfilled in his care. It's more us than it is him, but even in that, to give up is just so difficult. Thank you to all of you who have prayed and given. It wasn't for nothing... he's had a great life while he's been with us. He received that because of all of our care and feelings of responsibility for his life. Thank you for your help in that.
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